So today I had a conversation with h over dinner. She said she thinks the reason I'm secretive and reserved (apparently I'm proud of this) is because I feel it makes me different (and better) from everyone else. Then she tried to give me a "heads up" that I'm no different than then next person. My futile attempt at a response when something like "It doesn't make me feel different or better than anyone, because I know I'm the same as everyone else". She didn't buy it. I don't blame her as I'm not satisfied with how I responded either.
So my real response is this. Why am I secretive and reserved? Because I am, that's why. I'm always like that. I don't kiss and tell, I don't reveal a lot about my life. I have no pride in it. It doesn't make me feel better or different then anyone else. It's just the way I am. She knows there are a couple people I'm open with: Mei and my other friend. I didn't just pick them by accident. I'm completely open with Mei because, well, since I met her 7 years ago, she's been there for me just about every time I've needed someone. Her support never wavered, even when friends whom I thought I was closer to, did. As for my other friend, I'm fairly open with him because, over the years, he basically proved he was a great and trustworthy friend. A ride or die type of friend. Supremely loyal, and brutally honest.
Now I don't know (or really remember) why h brought it up. Maybe it bothers her? I dunno. What I need to learn is how to respond better to things like this.
bleh
Labels: life
