A Dream...

A few nights ago, I had a dream. One of those dreams that feels real. So I woke up (in my dream) to her next to me. I immediately remembered we were "dating", but I was keeping it secret (like I always do). I realized we hadn't taken any pics together, and that we should. Then I woke up for real, and in pain...

I guess I am missing something from my life...

Bennie K

So I was talking to Annie, and we somehow got into the conversation about how I feel I'm changing (in terms of my attitudes, cares, etc...). It was a long conversation and I was basically trying to tell her that she needs to do what she wants, and be happy with herself, before she jumps into a relationship. So I was kind of explaining my moods, mannerisms, and such, and typing it out made me realize that I am changing for the better. Granted, life still sucks, but I like where things are headed.

Which brings me to the subject of this entry. Bennie K. Gosh I love them, haha. Anyhow, the songs I've been listening to the most are their songs. One of them is モノクローム (which I've written about), and the other is Dreamland. These two songs reflect how I feel probably 90% off the time. One song is depressing, talking about a monochrome life, and wanting to break out and get away. The other one is upbeat, happy, and fun. I listen to both of these songs about evenly, so I guess I can say I'm feeling upbeat and happy about half the time, and depressed and monochrome the other half. Where would I be if Rika hadn't introduced me to Bennie K? And Rika wouldn't have introduced me to them if I hadn't gone to Japan. And I wouldn't have gone to Japan if I were still seeing h. Also, if I were still seeing h, I wouldn't be making these positive strides towards a better me. Interesting how things work out...

snore

Thinking back...

Thinking back to Tokyo, I remember seeing this really pretty/cute girl while walking up that narrow street/alleyway (a little past Bape towards Uniqlo) in Shibuya. She was wearing this cowboy-type hat, had semi-long wavey hair, and I think I really liked what she was wearing (I like fobby dress). She smiled at me. I don't remember if I smiled back, but regardless, I kept walking up the hill and didn't look back. Same thing kinda happened on Bart (as described in my previous entry) and I pretended to ignore that girl as well.

Which brings me to the point of this entry. I really need to put my ego in check. The reason I ignored them is because I wanted to make it seem like I didn't need them. In reality, I would've really liked to talk to both of those girls. Granted, the first one probably didn't speak any english, but I would've liked to try. I think, not only is it my ego, but a defense mechanism as well, because maybe I don't want to be hurt? Dunno, either way, it's something I need to be more aware of, and a trait I do not like about myself. Bleh.

Yesterday

So, for the last week or so, I've had this feeling that something significant is going to happen in my life within the next few weeks.

Hmmm, where do I begin. Lately, I've lost hope in finding attractive Chinese girls that can compete with the girls I saw in Japan. So much so, that I pretty much gave up on even looking for one. That was until yesterday. I was on BART and I saw this gorgeous Chinese girl. I'm not sure if she was full Chinese or what. She reminded me of the Chinese model shown above. Wow. She dressed like an HK fob which is a major +++. So that was nice. I was happy to realize there are Chinese girls who don't look full chinese, I'm attracted to which actually exist here in the bay area. She also got off at my exit. :) Later on in the evening, I turn on Curse of the Golden Flower, and see this super cute girl in it. This may sound kinda stupid, but it actually renewed my hope in finding a Chinese girl that I'd want to marry. Sounds kinda shallow, but oh well. I want a pretty wife, what can I say. Yesterday also makes me look forward to what could be. I'm optimistic and excited about who I might find or meet. There's a lot of hope in these eyes.

Now I don't know if/when that significant something is going to happen. Maybe it did yesterday, and I have yet to realize it. All I know, is I have a little more optimism about what the future has to hold. Here's to my local Angelababy who started it all...

Phantom!

I'm so excited!!! Phantom of the Opera is returning to SF Nov. 26th! Now I just have to figure out who to take. =P